I have felt death the day I was born. Obviously, I was so tiny to understand what death is. But, thanks to my Great Grandma for saving my life.
As soon as I grew up and started to walk towards life, death knocked my door. I heard someone dying very close to me. I had no idea what death is and how it snatches away the people who love you. My mother introduced me to the term death. I was too immature and naive to understand it. I just kept wondering where is that person who loved me so much. Why is he gone?
It was just an year, I was still in progress to understand where has he gone. Then, death decided to meet me again. He came knocking on the door and took my GrandMa. The 12 year old me was rattled and thrilled and confused. My brain was freezed and asked one question that where are these people going? Yesterday, I was sleeping in her lap and when I woke up she’s gone? Just like that? It was the first time I saw a corpse. I couldn’t swallow the truth that a day before I was sleeping in her lap and after waking up I saw her sleeping on the floor.
Years passed, I grew up. Perhaps mature enough to understand the term death. But, immature to deal with it. I was sitting on my dinning table and heard a knock on my door. Death decided to show up once again and that sent the chills down my spine. It was my maternal grandfather. The 18 year old me gathered all her strength up and decided to deal with it like a woman. But, death my friend, is an unpleasant guest.
The 22 year old me was so sure that now it’s over. I made peace with it. I allowed them to let go. They went, but death didn’t. It kept snatching away the person I love. Till this time I was shattered, too lazy to cry for further loss. Death knocked as usual, and gave me a smirk. He mocked at me and decided to took one more person..It was my paternal grandfather.
The 23 year old me was in a no mood to welcome him again. I closed my door, locked it as if death couldn’t open it by himself. Hospitals, oxygen masks, ventilators, corpse, death rituals have now became a part of my life. I tried to run away, exasperated, tired, worn out, damaged. Finally death found me and pulled the door, broke it into pieces. I begged him, I cried. Death showed no mercy. He took what he came for. He took the most precious person who saved me from death. May be, death gave her punishment for saving me from him. It was my great grandmother.
Now, I’m left with few precious person. Death taught me one thing.. ”to let go”. You can’t hold on forever. He will come find you, he will break you into pieces. He will snatch away everyone from you and will leave you behind to experience your own destruction. All you can do is to let go and find peace with it.
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